Life is a Rollercoaster

When you first meet someone you work so hard to have that person gain trust in you. You work hard to be someone who can really be inspirational but not only that but you want to form bonds with people who you can trust and have fun with! You want to make friends that will stick with you no matter what happens. But what happens when that trust is broken? Can you really trust a person again?

In my opinion no! once someone breaks your trust they don’t deserve your friendship. The first time something goes wrong with your friendship it’s their fault for fucking it up but the second time something goes wrong with a friendship it’s your fault. The reason is you trusted the person enough to let them into your life and they just walk out because of one small rumors or one small problem! You forget everything I did for you…I do things for you because I expect your friendship and loyalty in return…I don’t do it because I am free and have no time! I cannot understand why people cannot appreciate that. This is why I really miss my friends from spring because they always knew how to appreciate someone and they didn’t let some stupid rumors ruin our friendship! Nor did they let someone else get in the way of our friendship. I hate that people have no trust in someone who has worked so hard to be form a friendship with them! I am sick of it! SO SICK OF IT! grr I just cannot wait to graduate in 2 weeks! That’s the only thing that’s keeping me going!

I miss my home state in the United States. Even though I live in Washington now I originally grew up in Salem, Oregon. For most of you that don’t know Salem is the capital of Oregon. It is really small and cozy little town. There is not as much to do there as there is in Los Angles, Seattle, New York City etc. but it’s just perfect. The atmosphere was very serene. There isn’t much diversity because most of the population in Salem is Caucasian. It’s small and one hour from Portland, two hours from the Oregon Coast, and three hours from Crater Lake.

Since it was the capital of Oregon it was where the State government building (Capitol Building) was located. In high school this allowed me to join the Youth Legislator team as a Senator/Legislature. As part of Youth Legislator, the students across high schools in Oregon would go to the Capitol building once a year and participate in a mock legislator. We would go through the state government process of the United States. It was so much fun debating all those bills. Living in Oregon has shaped me to become the person I am today. It allowed me to develop my public speaking skills by giving me a chance to pursue leadership opportunities and different kinds of activities. I had so much fun being part of the Speech team, youth Legislature, Deca, and the National honor society. It also gave me an opportunity to travel to the different parts of the United States with my class mates and participate in competitions at different levels. Such as the Stanford competition for speech team and the national level competition for DECA. Since the opportunities were so limited it allowed me to take advantage of all the opportunities that life had presented to me. I didn’t have to make choices as much as I had to follow my heart and never forget who I was and what I wanted to do when I grew up.

Outside of school life and activities, I stayed home to study and/or to relax. I had a few close friends who I hung out with on a regular basis with at school and outside of school. We got together to go shopping, have sleep overs, etc. My favorite part of hanging out with them was having debates, discussing important issues, and paying attention to the world. Apart from hanging out with friends, I loved to read. I used to read 4 books a week during summer vacation and 2  book a week during regular school times. I would always be immersed in the world that was created by the authors of the book. I loved reading to the point where I couldn’t stop reading books every day.

The best part of living in Salem was that the coast was only 2 hours away. That meant we could visit it whenever we wanted. During summer vacation we would go to the beach with our family friends at least twice a month. It was so much fun and so peaceful. The best part was the mall was right next to the beach so we would go shopping then we would go to the beach to play! The atmosphere on the beach was so lively but so placid making it the best place to relax but at the same time have fun.

I really miss Oregon because it had presented me and shaped me into the person I am today. Not to mention because there weren’t as many opportunities you were forced to use every single opportunity that was presented to you to your advantage. For me personally I loved making the most out of the opportunities that I did have rather than regretting the opportunities that I didn’t. It also helped get into one of the top public universities in the United States. It helped me realize that having a lot of friends isn’t as important as having friends that truly care about you.

Another reason I miss Oregon is because when I came to Washington I really forgot who I was. I forgot the type of person I was and what I loved to do. I lost a part of myself that I wasn’t able to recover until my final year here. It made me realize that being respected by a few friends is more important than being tossed around by many. Keeping people important to me close to my heart really pays off when I am upset. Worrying about what others think of us is just a waste of your time because in the end you cannot figure out what others want by worrying about it. You can only figure out what others want by going out there to get it yourself.

When I was a kid there was guava tree in the backyard at my grandmother’s house. I love gauvas they are one of my favorite fruit as a kid and even now…Every time the guavas ripened I loved to pick them and eat them…However, because I was so small I couldn’t reach the guavas…They always seemed so far away…so whenever my uncles were there and they would see me looking at the guava they would just pick me up so I could reach them…there was this one time when even though my uncle picked me up the guava was not attainable…It was so close yet so far away…At that time, my uncle suggested I climb on the roof of the outhouse near the tree and try to reach it…but instead of just climbing up to the roof…I went beyond and climbed the tree..

Now as I grow older I realize how lucky I am to have someone who always looked out for me as a kid. As a kid if most of us if we didn’t get something we wanted, we would always think outside the box and not worry about what the consequences will be or what others will think about us…We just do what we want to get what we want…when did that all start to change? When did we start to become afraid of what other people thought about us? When did we start to care about the way we look and the way we are perceived?  When did we start having a hard time trying to do everything in our means to obtain what we want? When did it become hard to get something so close to us…when did what we start to think that something really close is unattainable…when did we start becoming scared to get what seemed so far away and start focusing on things that are easier to obtain?

Most of us are always focused on what will happen tomorrow that we forget to live for today! We always think about the future because that’s what society builds us to be but what about today? Today is just as important as tomorrow! Today is what you need to live for in order to build your future for tomorrow. If you don’t do well on your midterm people will automatically think oh I just need to do well on the final and my gpa will be okay…Let’s do my best…again you are thinking about the future…What about today? What do you need to do now to make sure you can be proud of yourself when something does happen…I mean you don’t know what your future holds for all you know you might die tomorrow.

Yesterday, a few of my friends who were going to a conference got into a car accident. That scared me enough for a single lifetime! When I heard the news all I could think about was who was involved in the car crash are my close friends okay? Are my peers, acquaintances, people I talk to on a daily basis okay? It was really terrifying! I had lost my appetite to eat or even have fun! My friends who were with me at the time noticed I wasn’t too happy and tried to cheer me up which worked at that moment but then I started to worry again! I was so happy when I got a message from them saying that they were all okay! It is a miracle that they all survived and will come back alive! The one important thing I learned from this incident is live for today even if you worry about tomorrow! Work hard and play hard because you never get second chances in life! Do something that will give you a story to tell in the future there is no reason to hold onto the negative. Let go of the negative and only think of the positive.

People tell me I am simple minded but being simple minded is in my opinion not a bad thing at least I can be happy or sad about my past and my present rather than a future that is uncertain. In the future I want to continue to only think of the positive! I want to be happy with who I am! I want to achieve that that will make me proud of myself! And I never want to think twice about what I had achieved in the past! I want to be able to say proudly I have done this and this and this and I am really happy that I have a story to tell.

Yesterday one of my friends say “You are really amazing because you never get jealous of the guy you like!” I seriously don’t see the point of getting jealous over someone. I mean yeah he is hanging out with other girls but at least he thinks of me as someone important in his life and still comes to hang out with me so what’s the point in being jealous? It’s just a waste of time and a waste of energy! So I have decided that I will never feel jealous of anyone else and just be confident in who I am.

I can truly say that I have gotten my motivation back! I will continue to strive to do better in everything I do because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I do know that if I work hard for today I will be happy with myself no matter what happens tomorrow!

I would be lying if I said I didn’t like you at all…but at the same time I would be lying if I said that I liked you as much as I used to. My feelings for you are still there but I am going to get over them asap! I don’t want to deal with the uncertainty. One second you tell me let’s do something and the next the plans are totally cancelled. I am sick and tired of going at your pace rather than mine. I am going to follow my own path because I have my own dreams and aspirations and my life does not revolve around you.

Running into a picture of the two of us with a couple of friends titled “love love.” When you see a picture like that you wonder why your friends are teasing you to that extent? >.< Especially because they know those feelings are one-sided…Thankfully though the only ones that know what the title of the picture means will be the ones that are close to me or the ones that have heard the rumor…*Sigh!* I am sick of people spreading rumors…If I tell someone something it’s because I expect them to keep it to themselves especially when I tell them “don’t tell anyone!” I don’t know what part of “don’t tell anyone” they don’t understand….I mean “don’t tell anyone” does NOT mean “go and tell the whole world” it DOES mean “please keep it to yourself!” When people are spreading a rumors they don’t realize they aren’t the ones getting hurt but the one that the rumor is about that gets hurt…like seriously what is your problem? If the rumor was about you would you be happy? No right! Then why do you think it’s okay to spread rumors about others and tell the whole world about the other person’s secrets…People do find out in the end where the secrets started and who spread them…

There are just so many things I am so sick of when it comes to yo

• making promises and not keeping them- If you make a promise and have to break it once or twice that’s okay but every single time…yeah that really gets old
• lying to others that you never made a promise…it’s okay if you don’t want to go but don’t lie to others saying that it didn’t happen in the first place!
• Changing the names of my teddy bear and my friend’s teddy bear! You know that teddy bears are really special to me…they are like my children if you mess up their names I will get really mad! The name “Daichi” has nothing to do with you name…it was a name that I came up with my friend because the name suited the bear! If you have a problem with that then talk to me so I can get it into your head that I didn’t name the bear after you…It’s kind of stuck up to think that the world revolves around you seriously…
• Stop doing things that make me wonder what the hell you are thinking…I want to be friends…just because I like you does not mean I am looking for a relationship with you and it definitely does not mean I will pamper you because I like you….It just means that I like you…I think of you as someone really special to me…
• If you have a gf tell me don’t hide it…if you don’t then don’t lie about it! Either way I am not going to get jealous!